Remetente desconhecido → Marcus Tullius Cicero

Forgive my fear and pity the times for the fact that the book was not returned to you more quickly. My son, as I hear, was alarmed, and not without reason -- if the book had gone out, since it matters not so much in what spirit something is written as in what spirit it is received -- lest the matter do me harm stupidly, especially since I am still paying the penalty for my pen. In this matter I am the victim of a singular fate; for while a mistake in writing is removed by erasure, and foolishness is punished by reputation, my error is corrected by exile, the sum of whose charge is that I spoke ill of my adversary while under arms. There is no one of us, I think, who did not make vows for the victory of his own side, no one who, even when sacrificing for another purpose, did not at that very moment pray that Caesar might be overcome as soon as possible. If he does not consider this, he is fortunate in all things; but if he knows and is convinced, why is he angry at one who wrote something against his wishes, when he has pardoned everyone who prayed many prayers to the gods against his safety? But to return to the point, this was the cause of my fear: I wrote about you sparingly, by Hercules, and timidly, not restraining myself but almost shrinking back. And yet who does not know that this kind of writing ought to be not merely free but spirited and elevated? It is considered unrestricted to speak ill of another -- yet one must beware of falling into impudence; it is constrained to praise oneself, lest the fault of arrogance follow; but it is solely free to praise another, since whatever you detract must be assigned either to weakness or to envy. And perhaps this has turned out more welcome and opportune for you; for since I could not do it brilliantly, the first course was not to touch the subject at all, the second to do it as sparingly as possible. But still I did restrain myself: I diminished much, removed much, and did not even include a great deal. Just as, then, if you remove some steps of a staircase, cut others, and leave some that are poorly fastened, you create the danger of collapse rather than prepare an ascent, so a zeal for writing that has been both conquered and broken by so many misfortunes -- what worthy or credible thing can it produce? But when I came to Caesar's very name, I trembled in my whole body, not from fear of punishment, but of his judgment; for I do not know the whole of Caesar. What state of mind do you think one is in when talking to oneself? "He will approve this; this word is suspicious. What if I change this? But I fear it may be worse. Come now, I praise someone: will I not give offense? And when I do give offense, what if he does not want it? He pursues the pen of an armed man; what will he do to a defeated man not yet restored?" You even increase my fear, you who in your Orator take precautions through Brutus and seek a partner in your defense. When the patron of all does this, what should I, your old friend and now everyone's client, feel? In this torment of false accusation born of fear and blind suspicion, where most things are written to suit another's sensibility rather than one's own judgment, how difficult it is to escape -- if you have not experienced it, since your supreme and excellent talent has armed you for everything -- I certainly feel it. But still I had told my son to read the book to you and take it back, or give it to you on condition that you would undertake to correct it, that is, to make it entirely different. As for the Asian journey, although the most pressing necessity weighed upon me, I did as you commanded. As for what I should urge you to do on my behalf -- you see that the time has come when a decision must be made about us. There is nothing, my dear Cicero, for you to wait for from my son; he is a young man and cannot think of everything, whether through zeal, youth, or fear. You must bear the whole business yourself. All my hope rests in you. You, with your wisdom, know what pleases Caesar, what attracts him. Everything must proceed from you and be brought to completion through you. You have great influence with the man himself, and the greatest influence with all his associates. If you can persuade yourself of one thing -- that this is not your duty only if you are asked to do something, though even that is great and generous, but that the whole burden is yours -- you will accomplish it. Unless perhaps I impose too foolish a burden in my misery or too shameless a one in our friendship; but the habit of your life provides an excuse for both, for because you are accustomed to labor so for your friends, they no longer merely hope for this from you, but even command you. As for the book, which my son will give you, I ask you not to let it go out, or else to correct it so that it does not harm me.